I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
