Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
