does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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