her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
