im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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