so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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