I wanna passion pit in your ass
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
