why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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