Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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