I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
