the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
