definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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