You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
