Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
