just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sober January is a disaster.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
