there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
