Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
People with herpes should wear stickers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
