Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
