I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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