I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
