He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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