so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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