oh god the rape fog is back!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
