your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
