Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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