I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
