This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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