Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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