It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
