You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
