If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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