He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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