Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did i walk over a car last night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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