WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
