roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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