my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
