the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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