Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
