dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I need a burrito and a hug.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
