Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so let's talk penis.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
