so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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