4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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