Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
