it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
