True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
