This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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