did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
