I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
