If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
