dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
