I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
