I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
