Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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