The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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